I hate New Year's Eve. I think it's a holiday where we put far too much pressure on ourselves...whether that pressure is about planning and executing the perfect celebration or reflecting on the past year or creating resolutions for the coming year, it's just a lot of unnecessary pressure. This year, though, I was glad to see New Year's Eve come. To put it simply, 2009 sucked and I couldn't wait until it hit 12:00 AM on January 1, 2010.
2009 started for me fast and furious. At 8:30 AM on January 1, 2009, my father suffered his second massive stroke within seven days, just a mere 24 hours after coming home from the hospital. The first two months of 2009 were filled with anxiety, exhaustion, fear, and frustration. I cooked for two families, one of whom lives 45 minutes away and was on a low fat, low sodium, low sugar diet. I worked three jobs. I mothered my son and my parents. My goddaughter, Porsche Peanut, was diagnosed with Chiari Type 1, a brain malformation, after there was some talk about a brain tumor. Yea, 2009 started out with an exhausting bang!
In March, my sister found out she would have to have abdominal surgery to remove a fibroid for the second time. This time, the fibroid had grown through the uterus. She had the surgery in early April and was out of work for six weeks recovering from the massive surgery. The surgery was tough and the recovery was slow. My sister is terrified of all things medical, so we had the emotional element to deal with as well. My mother informed me that we were done with hospitals for the year.
But as my mother said this, I had already found out I was pregnant again after the prior October's miscarriage. I was so excited to tell her that the next time we would be in the hospital would be to celebrate a new life. Ha! I was seeing the same doctor who performed my sister's surgery. He was sworn to secrecy until he confirmed that this one would stick. Shortly after my sister's surgery, after three long weeks of blood tests and ultrasounds, I was diagnosed with a complete molar pregnancy, had my D & C, and began eight months of weekly then monthly blood tests to monitor for GTN, gestastional trophoblastic neoplasia, abnormal cells caused by the molar pregnancy that spread act like cancer.
In May, I took on a fourth job to focus on paying down our ridiculous infertility debt, working sometimes 80 hours a week. A month and a half later, in July, I lost my one teaching job-while this was partly a blessing (I was now down to 60 hours a week), it also meant that the "extra" job I took to pay down the debt became a necessary income. There was nothing "extra" about it. Financially, we were right back where we started.
In August, after months of anxiety attacks, I finally went to see the doctor for some drugs. Test results showed that it was more than anxiety causing my racing heart-it was a heart murmur. After a battery of tests, tests, and more tests, I started on blood pressure medication to control my symptoms.
The following months, I spiraled into a depression, one that I had been flirting with for awhile, but finally succumbed to. With too many responsibilities and not enough hours in the day, I was not able to take care of me and the outcome was telling. I have aged this past year and look my age now. While nothing detrimental happened, I did lose my joy,and that's never good.
In November, my father in law ended up in the hospital after a series of falls. He spent two weeks there while they tried to control and out of control infection. My mother in law was tired and spent after years of taking care of him. I watched my husband wear down from worry and my sisters in law take on burden that took them to the breaking point. Around this same time, we had Builder Boy evaluated for autism and while that came back inconclusive, he was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. We have yet to determine how to proceed with the diagnosis.
December found me in Disney, sick, but somehow feeling as if there was a light at the end of the tunnel. My father is still with us and has very little residual complications from his strokes. My sister is fine post-surgery. I am done with the blood tests after the molar pregnancy. My depression has lifted somewhat. My heart is fine and monitored. We are still financially struggling, but working on making changes to that. We are also working on our house, finishing outstanding projects, de-cluttering, and trying to be better parents.
So, 2009, you did really, really suck, but you know what? You're over. We're on to 2010. And I think it will be a much better year. Oh, gosh, I hope so!!!!
